Family, Friends, and Some In Between.

I am done chasing. I have always been the forward one who is looking to be that girl. I'm done. If it's going to happen, He is going to make it happen. I will not be the first to text anymore or the one who is putting her heart on the line. My heart is being molded and transformed for someone who deserves it. No rushing. No pushing. It just takes time. I want you to be that man for me. The one who is vulnerable with me and tells me that I am the one you want. I don't want to be convenience. I am worth so much more than that and we both know that. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, same on me. I won't let this be again. I don't trust you with my heart and I'm not sure if I ever will.

How come I have to be the one with the "liberal" personality? How come just because of the way I think makes me the guilty one? Just because I have an open mind, does not mean that I am a bad person. Yeah, sure, we were raised differently, but why does that make a difference. I love you very much and only want the world for you, but sometimes I feel like it's a one way street. Sometimes you should practice what you preach. Jesus loved the sinners, the blind, the different, the hard of heart. How come some people can't see that? My heart is for everyone, at least I try to make it that way, but why just the because the color someone's skin is you can't love them too. One day I pray that maybe you can open your mind and see through another set of eyes and I will try with all my heart to do the same. I love you and that's the only reason we can make this work. Best friends.

I started blogging because I realized how much is in head and how good it feels to make it known to the world. I am a girl with thoughts. Some weird, silly, funny, crazy, and needed. I know that if your reading this, you probably have a reason why and want to get into my head. Well. At last you have done it. Sure, I am honest with people who ask and I trust, but there are some things that even I, the loud, awkward girl feel that I can't say to someones face. I know I need to work on this, but until that happens, this is all I have. It makes me feel like I am speaking to the people who mean the most. I am a girl who has the greatest family. They are truly all I need. I thank them for all the support I have ever had and more. I know that I have people to talk to always. I think that's what makes it so hard to be away from home because I can't find refuge there on a random Tuesday night, at least not during the school year. I also know that I am growing as a person and know that I always have that support whenever I need it. That is what's amazing about my family. There is always someone to support me whenever I need it. It's the best feeling in the world.

Thoughts of you...

"Thought of you and how you've changed me fill my mind." I feel like my heart and life can see the Godly change in my life, but I feel as though many people can't see a difference from when I was just going through life for me. I feel sometimes like I am negative and worry about a lot. I think that is just God's way of telling me that my life isn't perfect and I shouldn't act like it is. I need to lean on my friends and family more when I get that way. Hmmm... More later